Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
