who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
