i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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