3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
