I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
