We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
