the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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