She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
