Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
