Pappa wants mamma naked
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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