so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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