i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
