the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize