alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
