forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
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I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
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He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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