The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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