Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?

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  (248): I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob? http://tfl.nu/efyh
  Replies (44) Good night (713) Bad night (3331) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.

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  (920): call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing. http://tfl.nu/ctbc
  Replies (8) Good night (631) Bad night (2795) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.

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  (908): i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie. http://tfl.nu/9olo
  Replies (16) Good night (4368) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck

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  (610): You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck http://tfl.nu/4xap
  Replies (35) Good night (6269) Bad night (1194) Order T-Shirt
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  (650): View more from California

  I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.

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  (650): I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered. http://tfl.nu/k2a9
  Replies (11) Good night (4283) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us

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  (225): True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us http://tfl.nu/tf5l
  Replies (4) Good night (3316) Bad night (1105) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.

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  (202): Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke. http://tfl.nu/as75
  Replies (8) Good night (934) Bad night (4358) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!

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  (913): We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount! http://tfl.nu/fchz
  Replies (7) Good night (8720) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.

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  (301): I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost. http://tfl.nu/jb2u
  Replies (15) Good night (4122) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.

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  (916): He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex. http://tfl.nu/zvxf
  Replies (10) Good night (506) Bad night (1856) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.

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  (720): There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there. http://tfl.nu/9sg3
  Replies (6) Good night (314) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!

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  (561): Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?! http://tfl.nu/98de
  Replies (13) Good night (1055) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
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  (650): View more from California

  There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.

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  (650): There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband. http://tfl.nu/3etq
  Replies (3) Good night (342) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.

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  (925): I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you. http://tfl.nu/spyc
  Replies (3) Good night (724) Bad night (181) Order T-Shirt
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs

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  (224): bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs http://tfl.nu/2u5i
  Replies (8) Good night (550) Bad night (159) Order T-Shirt

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