p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
