Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
