I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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