he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize