you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
