I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
All I want is dick and wine.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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