ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
