he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
