oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize