Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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