Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
