So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize