that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
