I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
