I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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