she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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