oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
