I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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