I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
