You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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