I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
