I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
