How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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