I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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