I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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