so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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