God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
