In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize