If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
