dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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