She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
