I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
