I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
