I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
