How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
