piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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