I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
