As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
