I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
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my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
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Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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