Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
