How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
