It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
