i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
