it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
