Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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