I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
